Overbooked and Underpaid: Notes from a Yes-aholic

Recovering From Eye Surgery

 

 

It's been a summer.

I'm not going to detail all the drama from my life in 2020 because it's been a heck of a year for pretty much everyone.

But one particularly nasty highlight was a detached retina.

Which I had surgically repaired 11 days ago.

Not to get too deep into it but one part of recovery from this surgery is sleeping on your stomach and keeping your head looking straight down at the floor for at least 7 days.

I couldn't do much.

So there were no posts over on Anne & God.

But now I can lift my head again so I'm going to attempt to get back on track.

I can only see out of one eye for now so my drawings may be a little wonky :-)

One thing I WAS able to do while staring at the floor was to doodle on my husband's ipad pro. The video above is one in a series.

I may post the others here eventually. For now if you want to see them you can visit my Instagram - @morsehambrock

Behind The Scenes With Anne & God: That Little Old Lady

I hate being late.

Almost nothing in the world will set me fuming (and cursing) more than the fear that I will not be on time to work.

Or an appointment.

Or dinner with friends.

Or the airport, the train station, the boat dock etc.

Which means I usually leave my house freakishly early for anything with a set arrival time.

But you know what?

Sometimes stuff happens.

And the best-laid plans go out the window.

And you find yourself becoming one of those people who changes lanes a lot and who’s trying to hit every traffic light while it’s still green.

And maybe driving just a teensy bit over the speed limit.

And every single time I find myself in this situation, there they are:

THE SLOW PEOPLE.

The guy who can’t decide if he’s turning at that next intersection.

Or maybe the one after that.

Or the one after that.

Or the one after that.

The mom who keeps speeding up and slowing down, drifting out of her lane while she turns around to yell at her unruly kids.

The driver in the van with the tinted windows who enjoys sitting in the passing lane whilst going just about exactly the same non-passing speed as the car in the slow lane.

Oh, and the railroad gate that drops (just before you get there) for the 2 mile long train that you forgot crosses this road.

And finally, the little old lady who can barely see above her steering wheel and may even have forgotten where she’s going.

I used to inwardly curse these people.

And sometimes not so inwardly.

Until the day that somebody driving like a bat out of heck crossed the yellow line, passed both me and the little old lady, and got stopped a half a mile later for speeding.

I think I’d always figured that God was putting the slow people in my way on purpose.

And not in a nice way.

No, in more of a “you should have left the house earlier” sort of way.

But that day I decided to maybe give God a little more credit.

Maybe he was doing me a favor.

Saving me from traffic tickets.

Or worse.

©Copyright 2020 Anne Morse Hambrock All Rights Reserved

If you enjoy Anne & God illustrated poems please visit anneandgod.com and if you would like to buy the book collection that contains the poem at the beginning of this essay please visit the store in the menu bar up above.

 

Pic Of The Week - Perspective

In an effort to stay sane I'm trying to think of my need to stay home as a "snow day".

Rather than the apocalypse.

15 Things To Do If You're Stuck At Home In Quarantine

1) Binge watch Netflix - Now is the perfect time to get caught up on the third season of "The Crown" and all those other shows you've been meaning to watch. While you are at it - if you like The Crown - you should sign up for the streaming service "Britbox". I've already spent too many hours glued to British mysteries and comedies - now I get to rationalize it.

2) Clean your house - I mean REALLY clean your house. As in all the stuff behind and inside that sofa that you pretend isn't really there

3) Organize your last 10 years of photos - the ones that are on your phone and your computer and your tablet and maybe even an SD card or two. Forget the other 14 things on this list - you could easily spend two weeks on nothing but the photos.

4) Clean up your email - Do you really need all those emails from 8 years ago? Now might be a good time to thin things out. If you are like me you have more than one email account so this could take as long as the photos.

5) Clean up your computer - If you think you have a lot of photos and emails they are probably nothing compared to the 10 zillion files on your computer. You might actually need longer than two weeks for this one....

6) Waste more time on social media - well this is a given isn't it? I mean we already waste plenty of time on Facebook and Twitter and Instagram so we will surely be spending even more time there now. Just promise not to "share" bogus coronavirus info and start a mad panic. Oh, wait, too late for that....

7) Play with your dog - you know, that cute furry thing that stares at you with bored forlorn eyes as you are glued to all your devices.

8) Knit or crochet or build a birdhouse - This is a perfect opportunity to turn all that yarn you bought into something useful like a scarf. Or 10 scarves. If yarn isn't your thing I'm sure there's something like woodworking or scrapbooking you can do. Is Scrapbooking still a thing?

9) Spend some quality time with your partner (and kids if you've got them) - you know, those other people in your house/apartment who sit next to you and are also glued to their devices. There are things called board games - play some.

10) Do jigsaw puzzles - I'm sure you have a few stashed in a closet somewhere. Get out the one with 5000 pieces. That are all autumn leaves. That should keep you busy for a while.

11) Bake - You always say you have no time for baking. Well now you have nothing but time. And if you want some tips on baking and cooking and pie you can follow me as I'm baking my way through the 1950 Betty Crocker Picture Cookbook (click Back To Betty in the sidebar for the posts so far)

12) Cook your own food for a change - why stop with baking? Give the golden arches and the frozen food section a break and go poking around the internet for cool recipes - start with Pinterest since you are going to be doing all that social media stuff anyway.

13) Call family and friends - you know, the ones you are always texting and sending photos to but don't actually speak to. Yes, phones can actually be used for talking.

14) Build a fort out of all the toilet paper rolls you're hoarding - we know very well you went out last week and bought enough toilet paper to last until 2022 - turn it into a cool little retreat. Sit inside it with your Netflix and some popcorn.

15) Make stress purchases on amazon - yes, I know this is terrible advice. But you were going to do it anyway, weren't you? If you need more ideas for things to do (and a good laugh) pick up  this book by Amy Sidaris while you are there:

click on image to be redirected to Amazon

And this smart water bottle - because proper hydration is important!

click on image to be redirected to Amazon

Seriously - I understand that this whole coronavirus thing is genuinely creating hardship for a lot of people - especially people who are not going to be able to work remotely from home and are taking a big financial hit with lost work, childcare, etc. My only hope is to add a little levity to the situation. Let's all try to be there for each other as we get through this!

 

Behind The Scenes With Anne & God: Dear Vera Wang

After I published this "Anne and God" comic I thought to myself "Why get the almighty involved in this - I need to write Ms. Wang directly."

It seems only fair. You know, in case God takes me too seriously and sends some locusts to Ms. Wang's house on my behalf. 

Dear Vera,

I am a woman.

I have boobs. 

Size D.

This does not mean I am a size 14 or above.

I am a size 6.

You design a LOT of clothes in this size. I know this because when I wander into my local clothing emporium - Kohls - your fashions are the first thing to greet me. There they stand - beautiful mannequins decked out in all their Vera Wang glory.

Those mannequins look great in your clothes.

So great that I almost always take the bait, grab 5 or 6 pieces and head for the fitting rooms.

I don article after article of clothing only to find that each one:

hangs wrong,

sits wrong,

drapes wrong,

and just generally DOES NOT WORK on my body.

I actually bought a robe once - big mistake.

Because it was a robe, I just assumed it would fit fine with no need to try it on. I mean - what can go wrong with a robe, for Pete's sake?!

What can go wrong is that the darn thing won't stay closed.

I've tied it with both the little belts you've attached - inside and out - to no avail. It just keeps coming open.

In, you guessed it, the boob area.

Husband is happy - me, not so much.

Maybe the real problem here is those store mannequins.  Maybe you have surrounded yourself with fashion models of mannequin-esque stature and flat chestedness. 

Then again, I've seen pictures of you and you're no "D cup" yourself so maybe you just design clothes that will look good on you and people who are built like you.

Which would be perfectly fine if you were content to tailor your product (no pun intended) to a niche clientele. 

But when you boldly market your wares to a big chain like Kohls (headquartered in Wisconsin - one of the "full figured" capitols of the US) I really feel someone needs to call this problem to your attention.

Because when your clothes look awful on us we take it personally.

You're famous.

You design for stars.

We feel as though you couldn't possibly be at fault with all your massive designer skills.

The problem must be us.

Maybe we need to go on a diet.

So I did that.

Lost 20 pounds.

Went from a size 10 back to my college size 6.

Didn't help a bit.

Because my size is actually NOT the problem.

The problem is the boobs and the fact that your clothes simply are NOT designed to accommodate them. 

I'm done blaming myself.

I blame you.

And until you come up with something that takes my bust into account I'm afraid I have to be done with you.

You may think you don't need me or my business. That's your prerogative. 

But you're missing a BIG market.

Pun intended.

Anne

©Copyright 2020 Anne Morse Hambrock All Rights Reserved

If you enjoy Anne & God illustrated poems please visit anneandgod.com and if you would like to buy the Anne & God book collection  please visit the store in the menu bar up above.

 

 

Behind The Scenes With Anne & God: Abandoned Houses

First off, I liked our neighbors.

No, that’s not right.

I LOVED our neighbors.

They were a lovely couple with two great kids who played with our kid. They were hospitable –occasionally inviting us over for a little grilling on the patio and a glass of wine or two.

Which is why I always felt really bad when I did “IT”.

When I would take the snow I was shoveling off of our driveway and throw it over their fence where it would land next to their driveway.

I didn’t actually throw the snow ONTO their driveway. There is about a two and a half foot space of bushes and rocks and stuff and I would throw it onto that.

But somehow, even if I wasn’t actually doing anything wrong I FELT as though I was.

And I would sort of peek out of my windows to see if the neighbor dad was anywhere around because I didn’t really want him to see me doing it.

I think I was afraid that he didn’t really appreciate the extra snow, whether it was on a space he was going to have to clear off or not, and that his witnessing the act of “snow redistribution” would indelibly change our relationship.

Actually, the subterfuge was pretty stupid because, even though he might not SEE me throwing snow over the fence, he could, of course, see the resulting piles of snow that hadn’t been there before.

Anyway, regardless of the risks and the guilty feeling of maybe being a bad neighbor I just kept on with my sneaky snow shoveling habit.

But now they’re gone. And the house is empty. It’s been empty for almost two years now.

He got diagnosed with a degenerative disease (while still very young), her job was eliminated and, though she managed to find a new one it was out of state. On top of which, like so many other people in the past 9 years, they found themselves “underwater” trying to make payments on a colossal mortgage for a house that had lost more than sixty percent of its earlier value.

They were one of those couples who bought a nice house during the height of the local “overpriced housing” bubble, did some costly renovations, and then watched the whole thing go to pot.

They tried to work with the bank but, between the changes in their job circumstances, the loss of appraised value to the house, they just couldn’t swing it all and they walked away.

And I’ve been really conflicted about the whole thing. There’s a part of me that was raised to believe that you get yourself out of whatever messes you find yourself in and you honor your commitments – no matter what. But these weren’t people who set out to “game the system”. They never had a plan to overextend themselves and leave the bank holding the bag. They just took the sorts of risks we all take when we buy a house and assume we will continue to have a job and everything will always work out in our favor.

And the dice just did not roll their way.

And the house just sits there – the bank has done absolutely NOTHING about it.

So I still throw my snow over the fence. And I don’t have the guilt anymore.

But I’m sad about the whole business.

 

©Copyright 2020 Anne Morse Hambrock All Rights Reserved

If you enjoy Anne & God illustrated poems please visit anneandgod.com and if you would like to buy the book collection that contains the poem at the beginning of this essay please visit the store in the menu bar up above.

Hell In High Heels

Anyone out there who lives in high heels - raise your hands...

You poor dears.

I'm right there with you. 

Once upon a time I was 5 foot 2 and 3/4.

I think these days I'm closer to 5 foot 2.

Which is to say I'm short.

And when you are short you have three options -

• Live with your shortness and run around in comfy flat shoes (be prepared for cute little nicknames like "half-pint" and "small-fry")
• Wear platform shoes with thick soles and thicker heels (these went out of fashion with the 70's but do have an occasional style resurgence so you might get away with it)
• Wear High Heels

I've been wearing high heeled shoes as my default "I'm really a tall person" footwear for over 30 years now, the main big change over time having been the height of the heel. Back in my spit-and-vinegar days I wore 3 1/2 to 4 inch spikes, like the ones pictured above, but those long ago hit the dustbin in favor of more sensible heights like 1 1/2 to 2 inches. 

But I have a really bad habit - I underestimate how far you can walk in them without getting a blister.

Sometimes it's not my fault. I mean, what are you supposed to do when you are attending a formal function one minute and are being asked to trek across town the next? It's not as though you can whip a pair of Nike's out of your snappy little evening bag and slap them onto your feet.

This summer I was attending an awards ceremony in Washington D.C. that was to be followed by a reception in another location. As the ceremony concluded we were told that the reception was "just a short walk" and that we would all just "migrate over together". 

One and a half miles of torture later (through pouring rain, I might add) we arrived at our destination to find a stand-up reception. Yep! That's right! I, and several other disgruntled, high heeled, honorees, found ourselves not only trekking across the Washington Mall - complete with mud and gravel - but had no place to sit for the ensuing 2 hours.

At least the wine was available immediately. 

The kicker? The whole thing was organized by a woman!

Who should have known better. I mean, I expect this sort of thing from men in sensible shoes but a woman? Really!

We women are supposed to be looking out for one another in this department. Like the kind soul I met in Manhattan in 2006.

I was in NYC with my husband for the launch of his nationally syndicated comic strip. This was officially a BIG DEAL which meant a lot of formal meetings and lunches and traipsing around the city while dressed up.

By the end of the day I had a blister the size of a quarter on my right heel and was walking back to the hotel half in and half out of the shoe.

Step, hobble, step, hobble, step hobble.....

As we got into the elevator I had just said to my husband "Maybe I can get a band-aid from housekeeping" when a lady popped in before the doors closed.

She looked at me and asked if I had a band-aid. And I thought to myself "small world, she needs a band-aid too!" 

I replied that I was thinking of trying to get one from housekeeping when she answered "Oh no,  you just come along to my room - I've got plenty."

Confused I stared at her, still not grasping her point. "Honey, I've been walking behind you for the last six blocks - believe me, I know that walk..."

I almost fell into her arms with relief.

I now try to be prepared for any eventuality. 

So the next time you see me at a formal event, don't be surprised that I have a two gallon purse filled with Nike's and Band-Aids.

All Aboard!! A Trip on Amtrak

Superliner Sleeping Car

Folks who know me are aware that I hate flying.

I am not afraid of flying.

I HATE flying. 

Which is something quite different.

And if the airlines and Amtrak are smart, they will read the rest of this post to find out why I may very well be abandoning airplanes for trains for my travel needs.

Because I am not alone.

In the last 15 years a WHOLE BUNCH OF US have come to hate flying. I'd love to blame it on the terrorists but I can't. All the crap you go through involving security is annoying but probably necessary.

No, I blame the airline companies. Not only do they cram us into inadequately sized seats like cattle, the planes are filthy, the staff is grouchy, and we're being charged up the wazoo - especially for baggage. Not to mention all the  flights cancelled willy nilly with nary a concern for the disruption of the lives of the passengers.

Add to that the horrific delays - planes sitting for hours on the tarmac only to turn around, discharge passengers and enter the "flight cancelled" zone, and flying isn't even a nice convenient, quick way to travel anymore.

But I digress. This post is really about trains. Specifically Amtrak trains.

To date I have traveled by train from Chicago to Washington DC and back twice, and done the round trip between Chicago and Denver once. My sons have frequently taken the trip between Milwaukee and Minneapolis St. Paul.

Between us we have logged about 60 hours in sleeper cars and 85 hours in coach.

I offer the following pros and cons of traveling via Amtrak. The  list takes information into account from my own trips and the stories gathered from fellow passengers.

Amtrak Pros

• Big comfortable seats that recline nicely and have tons of leg room - my seats in coach were 10 times roomier and more comfortable than those on an airplane
• A lounge car with great scenic views - the car is almost all windows and there are two types of seating, seats that swivel and face the windows and seats with tables for eating 
• Ample opportunity to walk around the train and "stretch your legs"
• Dining car with terrific food served by nice staff on real china
• Plentiful bathrooms as well as showers and changing rooms
• Easy to navigate security at the station
• Historic stations - not all of them but many of them. Especially major destinations like Chicago and Washington DC. Union Station in DC has to be seen to be believed. This place was built when traveling was an EVENT
• More fuel efficient way to travel than either flying OR driving - (click here for fuel usage comparisons)
• The train takes you through what feels like a secret world, right through small towns that super highways have forgotten
• Despite the small size of our sleeper car "roomette" I never felt cramped or crowded. Though the space is small (one woman taking her first trip remarked that prison cells were bigger) you should remember to compare the space, not to your living area or a hotel room,  but to the amount of room you have when driving or seated on an airplane

Amtrak Pros specific to Sleeper Cars

• By paying the extra fee for a sleeper you are automatically a "First Class" passenger for much less money than first class on an airplane. First Class comes with the following perks:

1. All meals in dining car included in the price of the ticket (my companion and I would have spent over $150 on food each way without this feature.)
2. Private seats in your own "bedroom" with large windows for a great view
3. Access to the first class lounge in the train station - this has been invaluable when I've had to wait 3 hours on either end of the trip due to check in, check out policies at hotels. It was nice to have a place in the station to wait where we could relax and store our luggage securely
4. Pre-boarding
5. Personalized service from the sleeper car attendant
6. Complimentary juice, coffee, and water available in the sleeper car 24/7
7. You can keep most of your luggage with you in the compartment unless you have very large suitcases. We stored ours on the top bunk when we weren't sleeping and on the floor stacked up by the door when we were in bed

Now for the bad stuff - because, unfortunately, there is some.

Amtrak cons: Amtrak officials - I'm talking directly to you here

• Let's talk bathrooms - honestly Amtrak, these need a serious upgrade! To be fair, they are no worse than airplane bathrooms but that isn't saying much. If you really want to steal passengers from the airlines you should offer great, clean, energy efficient bathrooms! You could easily fit them out with new fixtures and flooring without breaking your budget. And they could definitely be cleaner!
• Beds - too hard! It's time for some memory foam or other such material that is small and thin enough to fit in the room but more comfortable. I'm considering taking my own small foam mattress the next time I travel via sleeper car!
• Too expensive for families! The sleepers that have enough space for families are prohibitively expensive. Years ago I priced a one way trip for a family of 5 from Chicago to Seattle. One way tickets with two family bedrooms cost more than round trip airfare! We couldn't afford it and had to fly
• Not enough routes - too many places I can't get to by train
• Long trips (Chicago to Seattle, Chicago to Los Angeles) take too long! We need more high speed trains
• Delays - my son often takes the train from Minneapolis to Milwaukee and it is usually delayed due to problems way west on the line
• Alcohol - there should be one complimentary alcoholic beverage to first class passengers with dinner and fruit juice available at breakfast rather than just soda, water, coffee, or tea
• Amtrak needs to go green - there should be ample opportunity to recycle all the plastic cups and water bottles generated on the trip
• The first class lounges need more snack options than goldfish crackers and pretzels. Especially now that many people avoid gluten and you are not supposed to bring your own food into the lounge. Amtrak needs to offer packets of nuts for protein and maybe some fresh fruit or granola bars
• Lounges Again - The diet pepsi was out of order in DC Union Station when we arrived on Sunday. It was still out of order when we departed on Thursday. This tells me that the lounge doesn't keep up with its service needs and makes me wonder how long it will be before someone fixes it
• Attendants in the sleeper cars should be screened for interpersonal skills. Some porters are fantastic - others not so much.

Amtrak cons: Notes For Passengers

• Beware if you are a large person, and by large I mean wide. The rooms and corridors will not accommodate a body wider than 20 inches - especially the stairways. If you are a very very large person you will probably need to reserve the handicap accessible room - of which there is only 1 on each train - or a family bedroom
• The beds are narrow - again, you will have problems if you are a large person. The lower bunk is 30 inches wide and the upper bunks are 24
• Take an extra pillow for the sleeper car if possible. Amtrak pillows are fairly hard
• Take your own pillow and blanket if you are sleeping in coach. Amtrak sells blankets for $15 each
• Coach is not terrific for a trip of more than 12 hours - especially one that lasts overnight. I found the seat very difficult to sleep in. Although still easier than sleeping in an airplane seat.
• At peak times there is not much seating in the lounge car
• Dining car meals for regular passengers are pretty expensive. If meals had not been included with my sleeper ticket dinner would have cost over $30 apiece! If you are traveling coach take advantage of the more affordable "cafe" car.
  

Wrap up:

Despite the list of cons above, I have really enjoyed my train trips and would travel by rail again. I wish we had as many routes as they have in Europe and I wish there were more high speed options. With things as they are, I can only take the train when I am not in a hurry and will probably save it for trips where I am more "on vacation" than " business type travel. BTW - a special note to our Congressmen and Senators: I notice that you have built yourselves a lovely first class train from Washinton DC to New York while, slashing funding for the rest of the Amtrak routes. Shame on you! You think my tax dollars are only supposed to be spent on the train you ride? I beg to differ!

Here is a gallery of photos from one of my trips:

Amtrak Superliner Roomette as viewed from the doorway

 

Amtrak observation car

 

Amtrak Dining Car

 

The Amtrak Accessible Bedroom comes with private bathroom - A note about the accessible bedrooms, they are opened up to public purchase 2 weeks before the trip and are only available if no other room is available.

 

Amtrak accessible bathroom

 

Amtrak accessible room seating - note that the window is smaller than the double window in a roomette but the compartment has another window on the other side of the room, by the toilet

 

View of town and mountains from Amtrak car

 

View of town and mountains from Amtrak car

 

View of Harper's Ferry from Amtrak car

 

Amtrak Union Station Washington DC

 

Amtrak Union Station Washington DC

 

Amtrak Union Station Washington DC

 

Amtrak Union Station Washington DC

 

Amtrak Union Station Washington DC

 

Amtrak Union Station Washington DC

 

Staring Down 50 - The Balance Cliché

I am entering my 50th year this month.

It's been an interesting journey. 

I'm not going to detail my whole life but there are some key things that have brought me to where I stand as I stare down 50. They are an important part of my life philosophy and how I plan to handle the next 50 years.

I grew up with a profoundly handicapped bother (think Stephen Hawking at the end of his life - that level of profound) and by the age of 23 had lost 10 important people in my life and had probably begun to form an attachment disorder. I mean, why get close to people if they are just going to die on you?

When I was young and dealing with so much grief each loss made me feel almost cursed.

But as time passed I started to see these challenges differently.

As perhaps an opportunity for growth.

My level of loss has taught me not to take anyone in my life for granted. I would like to think that I look at my husband and my children and my parents and my siblings and my in-laws and my friends and truly be thankful for them every single day.

I've lost more wonderful folks on my life's journey, mostly to cancer and old age related illnesses. And I am doing my best to balance grief and joy - grief for those lost, joy for the happy times we shared. 

Which brings me to now and my impending 50th Birthday. 

Watching many of my friends celebrate this milestone I've been struck by a trend.

It seems that most of the birthday cards for sale satirize the 50th birthday: "How Many Things Are Older Than Anne?!" - "How Over The Hill Is Anne?!"

It can be hard to find any nice cards that simply celebrate this milestone for what it is.

I want a card that says the following:

"Congratulations! You're turning 50! You are so blessed to have made it this far and a wonderful time is ahead of you! We love you and are happy you are in our life! Eat, Drink, and Be Merry!"

Or something like that.

As I stare down the half century mark, my goal is truly to aim for balance. I know it's a cliche and the fodder for every magazine on the grocery store rack but, there it is.

My plan includes, but is not limited to, the following:

1) Do the things I have to do exactly when I have to do them

2) Do the things I want to do whenever I feel like I want to do them

3a) Be mindful of the things others need from me and give of myself cheerfully

3b) But don't be taken advantage of by others

4) Enjoy my family

5) Enjoy my friends

6) Read more

7) Walk and bike outdoors more

8) Keep the internet in it's place

9) Stop eating crap

I think that's about it.

Here's to 50!

Get Behind Thee French Fries

 

Satan's Spawn at their most golden delicious....

 

I am trying to eat healthy.

As a relatively educated adult I understand all sorts of things about nutrition and fitness. I totally get that foods like alfalfa and asparagus are good for you and milkshakes and potato chips are bad.

In all fairness, I don't have all that much difficulty avoiding milkshakes and potato chips.

Why? 

Because I can't smell milkshakes and potato chips at thirty paces.

Those foods are what I like to call "aroma neutral".  

Which means they cannot take the initiative but must wait for me to happen upon them.

Not so with the two major assassins of every diet I have ever tried to stick with. 

Two foods that, instead of waiting for me to find them, can come and find me.

Bacon.

And French Fries. 

If you have ever tried to embrace vegetarianism, chances are your resolve was broken as soon as you smelled the unmistakable aroma of frying bacon.

Although, honestly, the odds that you will encounter bacon being fried randomly as you wander the streets are slim. So you can avoid bacon, to some degree, simply by not bringing it into your house. (This, however, relies on the cooperation of your family members - generally it is my husband who opens the Pandora's Box that is "Sunday Morning Bacon House".)

But French Fries.

French Fries are the devil.

French Fries are the Sirens of all Fast Food. Sitting over there in their little cooling rack sending out their seductive call. 

Ulysses may have been able to plug the ears of his men as he sailed past the singing Sirens of lore, but if there had been French Fries on those rocks, their seductive aroma wafting across the water, I'll lay you good money every man jack of his crew would have jumped overboard before he could say "Big Mac".

It's bad enough when you are walking down the street and pass a fast food joint (I am positive every one of these places has industrial fans blowing the smell of french fries out into the surrounding neighborhood to enslave the weak willed potato-holics) but it's worse when you are ambushed.

There I was the other day, happily minding my own business, and making my way to my office when there they were. Four people sitting in the lobby with their lunches from the golden arches. 

Let me say here what we all know. McDonalds french fries are the gold standard. If french fries in general have the seductive powers equal to those of the average good looking woman, then McDonalds french fries are the Marilyn Monroe of the french fry world. 

So powerful is their call that I could still feel the lure three hours later as I left for the day.

And drove by a McDonalds.

And went through the drive through, ordering nothing more than a large fry.

The evidence of which I then concealed from my husband by driving with the windows down all the way home and pitching the garbage into a can at the local park when I was finished.

Because we're both trying to eat healthy and get our blood pressure and weight under control. And the smell of those french fries sticking to the interior of  the car would be as much of a dead giveaway as lipstick on a collar.

And succumbing to the siren call of the french fries felt an awful lot like adultery.