I have never worried too much about getting older. I have always told myself this is because I have a healthy and realistic attitude about life and my body. In the words of rocker Tom Petty “ If you’re not aging, you’re dead.”. Pretty succinct.
I have never understood the fascination with anti-aging cosmetics, wrinkle creams, botox injections, face lifts, tummy tucks, you name it, that modern women spend thousands - and I mean thousands - of dollars on every year.
I mean, come on - you’re getting older, stuff changes. In the words of my grandmother, “Everyone gets old! Suck it up!”.
Then, sometime last year I think it was, I looked in the mirror.
I mean really looked in the mirror.
I suddenly saw this middle aged creature looking back out at me. Complete with jowls and neck wattles. And thinning hair with a little bit of gray creeping in. And a thickening waist. And forehead wrinkles. And neckline wrinkles. And knee wrinkles.
It was the last one that got me. In my wildest dreams, it never occurred to me that my knees were going to wrinkle.
And here I must confess to all that my greatest vanity in life has been my legs. I have been blessed with good legs. And I have taken pride in these legs and delighted in the wearing of short skirts.
A few years back I saw a show - it may have been “What Not To Wear”, I’m not sure - where they told this 45 year old woman that she was too old to wear short skirts. That she now needed to wear skirts that had a hem just above the knee.
I thought they were being needlessly and ruthlessly ageist. That they were bossing her around simply because she had hit a certain number of years and needed to telegraph her age to the world through her choice of skirt.
Oh no, that was not the reason.
The true reason was that 45 year old women have knee wrinkles. And I don’t mean a little indentation here and there. I mean knees that look as though they belong on a pachyderm. (I won’t carry that comparison any farther, ladies).
Knees that wink at you if you move them just right.
Knees that proclaim to the world “I am middle aged!”. “And I’m not getting any younger, thank you very much!”
So began my search. The search for the perfect wrinkle cream. The cream that would wipe away those knee wrinkles for good.
Well, another five years at least.
And what I found was a dizzying array of fillers, smoothers, toners, plumpers, and lifters and about a hundred and twenty-five thousand magazine and blog articles about age defying creams.
But all those beautiful magazine ads for wrinkle free skin are for faces.
Absolutely nothing for knees.
Because the sad fact of the matter is, ain’t no wrinkle like a knee wrinkle. Those crevices are here to stay.
So I guess I will have to take the advice of my granny and just suck it up.
Unless you’ve heard of a good cream for knee wrinkles.
Call me.
We do have to pay someday for whatever abuse we inflict on our body. Aging in and of itself does seem pretty abusive, mentally and physically. But that shouldn't cause you to regret whatever it was you did in your youth!
Posted by: Alexis Owmizer | 08/22/2011 at 09:01 AM